Sandy and I went to a nearby mall yesterday and the occasion served well to remind me of what I most dislike about shopping malls - the kiosk businesses. The funny thing about these kiosks is that I have never met any other people who like them. Moreover, I don't know anyone who purchases things from them.
Their business model is hilarious - pick an extremely useless product or service, staff the kiosk with pushy 18-25 year old people, have these employees interrupt, yell, and beckon at people as they walk by in an attempt to convince them to buy the product, repeat. I would even argue that the advent and onslaught of kiosk businesses in American shopping malls is directly correlated to the downfall of large-size shopping malls and their overall enjoyment. More kiosks = more crappy products = less people going to malls = more large businesses bailing from malls = malls go bankrupt or cater to low brow customers.
This brings me to my favorite part about kiosks - the different products they offer! I have seen the following types of products offered:
- Sunglasses
- Chia pets
- Homes
- Lotions / skin care products
- Vacations
- Time shares
- Strange hair accessories
- Wigs / hair extensions
- Crappy jewelry / fake bling
- Watch repair
- Wannabe bonsai plants
- Tourist clothing
- Fudge
- Candy
- Coffee
- Custom engraving
- Water massage tables / massage chairs
- Mini remote control helicopters
- Hair threading
That's right - hair threading. Have you ever heard of this? Sandy and I have passed this one particular kiosk several times where there are two chairs and two employees who hold strings and use them on people's faces. Sandy speculated that they were weaving people's eyebrows, but further research by me has found that they are practicing hair threading or epilation. Hair threading is the process of using strings to trim body hair, first originating in ancient Iran. In other words, these kiosks sell the service of having teenagers use strings to trim your eyebrows - and people were buying it!
I can only fret to think of what the future holds for mall kiosks...
Threading is cool. Don't knock it! I would not, however, get threaded at a mall cart. I think that was the point you were making.
ReplyDeleteThreading is all natural hair removal. I only wish I could afford it all the time! LOL
I have no idea what hair threading is and I am right there with you. Second on my list of things I hate about going to the mall... perfume peddlers in the department stores. I hate being harassed. Who thought it would be a good idea to yell out at people and harass them to get them to check out your product. It is pretty damn backward if you ask me.
ReplyDeleteAs a former Kiosk worker myself, you left off the most prominent mall Kiosk, cell phones. That fact that I ever sold anything was amazing, especially since I am a horrible salesman. I hate kiosks
ReplyDeleteSimilar to the hair threading kiosks are the teeth whitening ones. These are funny because people are sitting in these dentist chairs with those goofy lip separators that make you look like a cartoon character. ... All while people are passing by staring at you! Blue light actually spotlights the mouths, making it difficult to ignore.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'd like to reveal a trick that has helped me on many occasions. Usually the people that run the kiosks open with "can I ask you a question?" I answer back with "You sure can. Aren't you sad you wasted it on that one?" This seems to do the trick.
Kev - I left off cell phones from my list, but my original post included a long diatribe about how they got us into this whole kiosk mess (since they were the first successful kiosk product).
ReplyDeleteKiosks = Emerald? :)
ReplyDelete